Stress

Now I understand...

Now I can understand why the adults always seem so stress and tense, and even why some of them are so stressed up till they start dropping hairs.

Now I understand why my brother first started working, he would always charge his credit card till over limit.

Now I understand why my sister can lose so much weight after started working...

I'm also stressed up...

Stress of my work, my performances and most of all, my financial...

I know I'm suppose to spend within my means, but the weirdest part is, I have never felt so 'strapped' even when I was working for SK-II, it is only now that I seem to realise, the hardest part of being a grown-up is to deal with our own finances. and i only have limited commitments; i wonder how my parents did it, raising 5 children... i truly respect them now.

my salary is really peanut crunches!!! even though i love the people here, i love my job, i love the fact my office is only 5mins away from my house, but i'm really sorry because the pay is too little. i'm having a difficult time to survive!!

i know probably its my fault i have not enough to use, with all the Kim Gary's while my colleagues are going to food court. not to mention, my monthly facials and pedicure is not saving my bank account as well. but i truly believe, after working so hard for a month, we really need to pamper ourselves as a reward. we deserve it! furthermore, life is harsh on girls, if we don take care of ourselves, we would grow old faster and till then it will be too late and even more expensive to save ourselves. so i think, beautifying ourselves is a necessity, not lavish spending.

everytime i calculate my expenses, i feel like crying and throwing tantrum. i feel like shouting i jus want to go back to school and live a carefree life. i am now really afraid of having big dreams because it is not THATT easy!!!

i'm not sure if i can buy my own house in another 2 yrs. i'm really sorry for always teasing my brother for not saving. i'm really sorry for pressuring people around me to earn more money, save and live their dreams... i really know now its not that easy.

sometimes when i'm too stressed up, i feel like giving up. then again, who will take care of me? who will feed me? who will give me a house to stay, pay my bills and take care of me when i grow old? it will be too irresponsible if i keep relying on my parents, its only fait that it is my turn to take care of them now. i cannot rely on my boyfriend because it will be too unfair and harsh on him. how can i throw all the burden of life and growing up to him, when he is also struggling with his own transition into adulthood?

i always 'psycho' myself that this is only a phase, i will get use to it.

haih~~ building a new thrifty habit is not easy. i took my mom's advice and am now tracking my expenses, but sometimes i even feel bad jus by writing them down :P

when we do not have enough money, we can only go and find more money. a new job perhaps? or should i change line into sales?

i'm not sure what to do now. for the time being, i can only make the best out of the worst - control my spending!

OMG... first month of working and i'm on the verge of surrendering. for now, i really hate growing up!!!!

Shallow People

i thought it would be different,
how would i know there are still shallow idiots in the working world,
i thought people should have grown up by now..
how disappointing..

i have never portray a good and innocent girl,
i have always just been myself!!!

so why is it OK for guys to smoke,
and when u find out i smoke u need to bising so much??
smoke then smoke la...
i would huff and puff in your face and i don really care..

me smoking have no interference with my working capabilities..
me smoking does not have any effect on my efficiency!!

stop being an idiot,
and for once..
look at the effort i have been putting, and the results i have worked so hard for..
grow the @#^*^&@%#! up!!!!!

Past

everybody has their secret past,
everybody did things that were foolish and they weren't proud of, and hope that nobody will know, and almost wish the 'past' never happened and hope it could jus be burried away...
i admit i did things i weren't proud of and trust me, i'll do everything in my might to make it right...

what is done cannot be undone,
so what we can do is to learn from our mistakes to build a better tomorrow.
but why i feel my past isn't letting me go so easily??
every time i feel i can breath a little louder and easier, it creeps just right up...

like i always say..
we cannot be emotional, we must do what is right..

i donno how long this will go on,
i noe i need to do something but i donno what,
i'm sorry i'm sorry i truly am..
if this is the way you punish me,
all i can say is... i'm really sorry....

I have a Sexy Starfish

I have a Sexy Starfish,
i just got it 2 weeks ago and is quite happy with it...
everyday, my starfish will swim towards me n wiggle his tail...
so cuteeeeee~~~

but my starfish is always emo..
a little bit of things can make him cranky... O.O
frankly speaking, i don think i have the 'power' to hold his temper..
i always say he is a volcano, he will erupt sooner or later, n i hope i wont be there to see it when he does..

i don have much comments on my starfish now,
just trying to go with the flow...
i'm contented right now :)

What Goes Around, Comes Around

rmb how i complained i have nothing to do at work and i'm dying of boredom??
my General Manager decided to give me something to do to stop me from 'dying'..
she put me on a...
a....
an exciting, never imagined, totally unexpected, a REALLLLL challenge tasks.
she asked me to translate an English press release into MANDARINNNNN.

i was shocked, but still willingly accepted, it was a challenge to me, and at least, i have something to do.
even though i cannot finish within 1 or 2 hours, but at least, i'm learning something...

i noe i can speak and write simple mandarin, but to translate a formal and professional article would be...
i'm afraid it would sound like a 3-years old trying to write his first essay...
i think she noes,
that is why she borrowed me her dictionary..

hehehe... back to work now. i haven't even finish translating the first sentence :P

BOREDDD

i am officially BORRRRREEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDD out of my job!!!!!
i love it still, but would appreciate if i have a littttle more work to do..
all i do there everyday is online, online, chat, online, n more chatting..
gosh...
i cannot imagine how i would pass my hrs once my daddy starts to work!!
i guess i will eventually die of boredom...

i can hear some ppl scolding me..
'Fan Jin' 'Fan Jin'..
my daddy always ask me not to complain..
i should be contented right?
i get paid still even when i don really need to do anything...

haiz...
but i wan to do something...
i really wanna start to do something..
this is the 3rd week already n still...

haiz...
i'll still stay on till my 'baby' is born n can stand up n start running..
then i'll have better negotiation power when i jump ship right?

haiz...
i need something to do..
this is ridiculous...

I Want To Lie On a Beach

i don't know, i really don't know
i feel uncertain already
i feel as if my tummy is twirling, and i'm feeling sick
am i just afraid of moving any further?

maybe it's the tarot cards and the horoscopes,
maybe it's just moving too fast too soon, i'm still not use to it,
maybe it's just me, me being me, me being unconfident

i really superly duperly very deeply madly truly wants to lay on the beach and sleepppp