Updates...

so.. what have i done ever since i officially graduated??

besides clubbing at least once a week (btw, i didn't go this week yet!! hurray!!), i worked for james and alex at PC Fair, this would be my first and last PC Fair!! so tiring~~
i went for Massive Rave and it was AWESOME!!!!!
i straighten my hair back!! curl was too 'old' for me :P waste money~~
i went for pre-x'mas exchange in mun yee's hse and got a bag,
celebrated x'mas with my dear friends where i had to fake being sleepy just to go home earlier,
yum cha with my first boyfriend n raelene ofcoz, and went to movie twice with kar wai!! Bedtime stories is really sweet!!!

i've been busy looking for jobs, but to no avail, my dream one has not called me *sobs*

i've made some new friends (thanks to jennifer) and... things got abit complicated.. hahaha.. jen's advice for me is to ignore him~~

someone dear to me once said i'm too naive because i truly believe everybody in this world is good. if i'm good to someone, s/he should be good in return right? well, a reality check reveals that there are liars, actors, and people who are just plain evil... hahaha.. luckily i still have friends who truly care for me, and they are always there to help me spot the fakers ^^

love is last on my list right now, as i have told raelene.. 'men in my life comes and go.. not worth mentioning' :P

my dream job.. u better call me!!!!!!!! i don wanna work for other people la... i only wan YOU YOU YOU!!!!!

Fun Fun Fun

its been awhile since i've update my blog, so wat has hpn??

first, i've finished my Final Finals!!! wat a relieve!! hope my results will come out okay :P
secondly, i had like 5 cakes for this year's b'day... thanks to alll my wonderful friends ^^
i also went to casino for d first time!! n realised, i don have any luck in gambling :(
third, it was d pall mall event!!
i have almost 90 friends there, n i think we all had a blast!! d only hiccup was it ended pretty early (1.30am), if it ended later, i'm sure i'll have a few friends drunk... hehe

haih~~ so wat's next??
results will be out on 15 Dec,
there's another event on 17 Dec,
our gang is having a x'mas gift exchange on 21 Dec,
but i think, i'll start looking for a real job..
enough playing already, time to get serious!!! ^^

Love

i received an email from my friend, its about love..
how to love, and how we always seem to take people around us for granted..
many of us, seem to lose it after being together for a long time, we seem to forget the passion that once brought us together, we seem to forget the things we loved each other so much for...
many of us, seem to greedier, wanting more and more until the other party cannot give anymore, this is why, most relationship fail after so long, because we forget, because we became greedier, because we became selfish...

爱的感觉，总是在一开始觉得很甜蜜， 总觉得多一个人陪、多一个人帮你分担， 你终於不再孤单了，至少有一个人想著你、恋著你， 不论做什么事情， 只要能一起，就是好的， 但是慢慢的，随著彼此的认识愈深， 你开始发现了对方的缺点， 於是问题一个接著一个发生， 你开始烦、累，甚至想要逃避, 很多人以为是因为感情淡了， 所以人才会变得懒惰。 错！ 其实是人先被惰性征服， 所以感情才会变淡的。

当你爱一个人的时候，爱到八分绝对刚刚好。 所有的期待和希望都只有七八分；剩下两三分用来爱自己。 如果你还继续爱得更多，很可能会给对方沉重的压力，让彼此喘不过气来， 完全丧失了爱情的乐趣。

如果你也正在为爱迷惘，或许下面这段话可以给你一些启示： 爱一个人，要了解，也要开解； 要道歉，也要道谢； 要认错，也要改错； 要体贴，也要体谅； 是接受，而不是忍受； 是宽容，而不是纵容； 是支持，而不是支配； 是慰问，而不是质问； 是倾诉，而不是控诉； 是难忘，而不是遗忘； 是彼此交流，而不是凡事交代； 是为对方默默祈求， 而不是向对方诸多要求； 可以浪漫，但不要浪费； 可以随时牵手，但不要随便分手。

women are monkeys because men are dogs

my guy friend who was recently dumped by his girlfriend for another guy came up with an interesting theory - women are monkeys..

y??
have you seen how monkeys climb trees?
they would use one hand to hold on to a branch while the other hand would reach out for a higher one, they would not let go of the lower branch until they are sure they can hold firmly to the higher one. ^^

my counter theory??
this is because men are dogs...
men are like dogs, they would f**k any bitches they find outside, even though they have a loyal companion waiting for them at home, this is why the streets are filled with stray dogs..

the guy never treated the girl well, at his lowest point of life, the girl was practically working to support him and to pay off his debts, her reward? the guy found another girl outside... after all the cold and hot wars, the guy finally realised his mistake, and begin to appreaciate the girl...
it would be a fairy tale if the guy thought they would live happily after..

the girl is hurt, no matter how the guy apologise, no matter how the girl say she'll forgive you, a part of her is hurt, a part of her feels betrayed, a part of her feel insecure, the love they once shared is not so perfect anymore, how can a fairytale be imperfect??

many times, girls become 'bad' and 'naughty' because they were once hurt, because the men they loved seems to prefer these kind of girls more, since they are spending more time with them, and guys would lie and cheat their girlfriends just to spend more time with these naughty girls. so since guys like them so much, then we would just be 'them'.
at least, this is what happened for my case ^^
no worries, i still know my limits :)

guys, please do not think only you can play games, we girls can definitely win you in this kind of game..
do not be so immature and expect to forgiven by saying a simply 'sorry', we girls could do the same thing, then you can tell me if you can forgive me..

if you do not want to be hurt, please do not hurt other people, i'm a strong believer of the proverb 'Do unto others as you would be undo'. and i do believe in KARMA!!!

i don't know why, men around me tend to be immature jerks, except the fewwwwww (to any guys that read this post :P) haihzzz... where oh where is my prince charming?? ^^

*我很期待我最后一份生日礼物,它不会是名贵的东西,可是多多钱也买不到.*

T.R.U.S.T

T - Truth
R - Reliability
U - Us
S - Sincere
T - Trust

these are the values that should exist in a relationship, without these, the relationship is meaningless, yet 'burdening' for the people involved.

trust need to be gain and earned, it is not to be given lightly... when you betray my trust, do not expect to be forgiven so easily, feelings are hurt and wound would not heal so easily... the scar will be there forever, to remind us of the damage done.

i believe, and truly do, that men do not change overnight.
when i sense your changes, i just kept quiet, my thought begin to wonder, trying to find good explanations and reasons for your changes.
when i believe i am deceived, i would not confront you straight away, because with all the lies you told, i cannot really differeantiate the truth from the lies..
i need to find out, i need to know..
i need to confirm my suspicions..
i believe in myself, i believe in my instincts...

if you don't love me as much, please let me know..
please let me go as i have beg you so many times..
men are selfish, but i sincerely hope that a conscious part of you would realise how hurt i am..
for once, please be truthful to me...
let me know, and please let me go...

people rarely marry the ones they truly love, they always marry the 'right' one, who conveniently is at the right time...
maybe we are meant to be... we are meant to be apart...

Kar Wai's Theory

i think i could relate to kar wai's new found theory,
the theory of 'Stranger-Ship in a Relation-Ship' ^^

i cannot find any words to describe my current situation,
my life now at this state can only be described as 'messy', and even that cannot fully picture what is happening...

i have never felt so hopeless, so uncertain, so.... empty as today..
we love each other so dearly, and yet we chose to stay apart,
no explanation was needed, no words were spoken,
we understood, this is the best for both of us.
even though i can see the love slipping away from us, i could not decide whether to hold on to it, or to just let it flow, such dilemma.
as i had said, i choose to go with the flow...

this is when the Stranger-Ship arised in our Relation-Ship...
we were once so closed, no secrets between us, we could discuss about everything, i would miss you every minute, wondering what you are up to, the bond between us was so strong, our dearest friends are still very shocked why we broke up in the first place.

we broke up because our personalities were so alike and yet so different.
we broke up because our vision and life path for the future were so alike but yet so different.
i know it makes no sense, but then, this is the strange part of the relationship.

i understand, we could never be like before,
i understand, letting each other go is only a matter of time,
we are still stubbornly grasping on to something, because we know, if we let go, we will be left with nothing at all...
what is that thing, we do not know, this is the uncertainty we are willing to gamble on.
maybe if we hold on to each other long enough, something would happen to bring us back together again,
maybe if we hold on to each other long enough, we would understand that we could still live together happily despites our differences.

this is the strange part of the relationship...
deep inside us (at least for me), we know this would not work,
i know that we are just wasting time, hoping it would be easier and less hurtful to let go,
we made an agreement to not see each other so often,
because we knew the flames will start burning again soon ^^
we love each other so much, that we understand being together would only hurt each other more...
we love each other so much, we are willing to let go....

Yes, I Am Stubborn

Yes, I am stubborn, when i make a decision, i will stick to it,
Yes, I have ZERO tolerance for stupid excuses and nonsense, and it is very difficult to convince me...
i do not give myself excuses to fail,
and hence, i do not give people around me many chances to fail...
i always think that people who find themselves reasons to fail, are those people who are not strong nor brave enough to face the truth,
so, you know why u failed, so there should not be a second time right??
when there is a second n third time, it is clearly you are not an achiever.

i have always been tough on myself,
because of this, i have always shown a strong and tough face,
i seldom show my weak and vulnerable side...
this is because i do not want people to see me failing...
it is because my ego do not let me fail...
it is not because i cannot fail,
when you want me to accept your nonsense for not able to achieve the goal,
then please give me room to fail too,
then i want you to tell me how does it feel to be let down and disappointed again and again...

i have never been unreasonable,
it is just very difficult to convince me,
so before you want to talk to me,
please prepare your script,
do not give me the opportunity to 'shoot' you back,
because i will not care for your pride,
if you want to act dumb, then you have no pride, so why should i care?
and most importantly,
please USE YOUR BRAIN before talking to me!!!!!!!!!

一步一步慢慢来~

我只想一步一步慢慢地得到我想要的东西,
其余的我不想多想...
我才21,想拥有的东西太多了,多得数不清.
我现在要做的,就是一步一步慢慢的争取我想要的.
爱情我不要再想了,该来的会来,是我的我也躲不掉.
只是现在,我很清楚我要的是什么,不要的我也骗不了自己.

RIght n Wrong

how do we differentiate right from wrong?
how do we know what is really right and wrong?
we do many things unconsciously, and many times we do what we thought it was alright, just to find out in the end what we did was wrong...
many times, we need to take into consideration many things and many ppl, and in the end, we might not find the perfect decision to please everybody..
many times, we cannot do what we want to do, because life is not as simple as 1, 2, 3...

i know wat i'm doing now is not right,
and i know one day, somebody might get hurt, including me...
i know one day i will need to pay for my actions,
and i know that day will be painful for many people...

when that day comes,
please forgive me for not having the courage to do the 'right' thing now,
when that day comes,
please forgive me for being selfish...

trust me, i have tried..
trust me, i have made effort...
but in the end, i choose to go with the flow..
because at this moment,
i really don't want to think what is right and what is wrong...

Be Strong..

to all the girls out there who are hurt by their idiotic boyfriends, in any way..
have the courage to be strong, as how you found the courage to love,
time will pass n wound will be heal, as how time made you grew the love you had for him..
the only person that can save you, is you yourself..
you are your own saviour~~

seeing my friends falling in a rut, and all i can do is to be there for them, make me feel so hopeless, yet it made me realise how strong i am, to be still able to hold on to myself, and not let my world fall apart..

but i wonder, how long can i continue this??

PS: Wah Wah n Cole... Love you~~ Stay Strong~~

Mid Term

mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term
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mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term
mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term
mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term
mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term
mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term
mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term mid term

the mid term stress is catching up.....

My Last War

i'm not very good at expressing myself,
that is y i keep quiet most of the time,
i understand ur problems and difficulties,
that is y i tried my best to be understanding,
but as years past,
it seem to be a bad habit,
taking advantage of me, forgetting my needs jus to satisfy others,

yeap~~ i promise,
i promise this would be my last fight,
i doubt i would have the energy to continue fighting anyways,
n i think i owe everybody around me some peace n quiet...
i know it sucks to give up so fast,
but i don see the point of fighting anymore when my messages isnt goin anywhere..
no point of talking, no point of discussing,
u n i are d same,
we make our decisions n we stick to it, no matter wat, neither of us are compromising,
hence, i promise u, this will be my last fight,

my last war with u to fight for wat i wan,
my last war with u in hopes u'll understand how i feel,
my last war with u to prove to me what i think n feel is wrong,
my last war with u to prove to me u still love me~~

mayb its because i've neva said anything before,
that is y u got shocked when i told u,
mayb its because i've been so quiet before n all the tension n emotions jus build up in me,
i tend to burts like a volcano errupting, that is y u got taken aback,
i've neva intended for anybody to get hurt,
i've neva intended to build up so much stress for everybody,
i've neva intended to make u cry,
i jus need u to understand,
how much i'm dying inside...
in order to stop feeling the pain, i need to either shut my heart, or leave the cause,
do not...
do not force me to leave...
for when i make a decision,
u know best i will stick to it,
for when i make a decision,
u know best there is no turning back..
thus, this will be my last fight with u,
my last fight for things i wan,
n your last chance to prove urselves...

I Believe In Myself

this won't be another emo post, i promise ^^
as my title suggest.. yes, i do believe in myself, more than anybody else..
i believe on my judgment on people,
i believe in my decisions,
i believe my instincts,
n most of all, i believe in my heart..
when too many people get involve in something, it always makes it more confusing,
other people can only provide suggestions and their opinions,
but it is me who can only make the decision,
n it is me who need to bear the consequences..
hence, i always ALWAYS believed in myself.
because it is only me, who will stay true to myself,
it is only me, who will not lie to myself....
since i believe in myself so much,
so i need you all to have a little faith in me too :)
believe in whatever decision i make...
even its not the perfect one,
even you all can't seem to understand,
even somebody might get hurt...
i really need you all to trust me,
believe in me...

Makan Makan~~

because we r a bunch of spoilt kids :P
d gang plans to have a makan-makan outing each week~~
it would be held every friday and d venue would change each week..
any interested parties can feel free to join us, the more the merrier!!!
this would be a great opportunity for us to bond (even though we see each other practically everyday!!)
n to do wat we do best - gossips!!!!!
hahaha...
we are all going to graduate soon, n we won't know how long we can do this..
hopefully we can continue this after we graduate ^^
cheers~ friends forever!!!!

让懂你的人爱你

my buddy Joe sent me this song to 'shoot' me~~
quite meaningful though~~ ^^

你忘不了开始的甜蜜
却怕想起未来的情景
他是会认错的听你哭泣音
直到下次又不小心忘记
你解释着孤寂和无力
他却相信那只是情绪
当埋怨都变得没有意义
你想留住的是什么东西
离开爱过的人和回忆
怎能不挣扎不痛心
但是一个最难的决定
往往是最好的决定
让懂你的人爱你　
重选一份值得坚持的感情　
爱只是一种一点点冲动就可以　
了解却少些默契都不行
让懂你的人爱你　
别舍不得过去只为了可惜　
相爱不只是走进对方的生活　
更要能走进彼此的生命

I Feel Like Crying..

nothing happened, i just felt like it...
a sudden urge for me to shed tears for no apparent reasons...
i'm not feeling well,
i'm not well inside nor outside..
i'm so sick i just wish i could cry it out loud!!!!
even though u see me smiling everyday,
but deep inside, i'm crying to be free...
i've neva said i'm ok,
i've neva said i'm fine,
i don need you to comfort me...
i just need you to be there to hear me cry...
i think one of the reason i couldn't get out of this rut is because i've neva really face the problem.
i always seemed 'OK' after the break up, going clubs, keeping myself busy, neva had i once say i missed him, but my world goes a little offbeat each time he calls, he couldn't let me go, testing my determination and patience to leave him once n for all.
my brain and my heart can't seem to agree on my next course of actions...
well my brain clearly forbids me to see him again,
every inch of my hearts would jus love for me to forget about everything and go back to him, forgetting all d pain, forgetting all d tears, forgetting all d ppl i would disappoint..
i'm actually quite amazed of myself for still being in sane, for still trying to keep every bit of me together..
its tough work though, and i'm not sure how long i can keep this going.. :)
i jus feel like crying, crying my heart out for once and for all..
i have always resists d urge to do so because i don wan anybody to worry about me..
but wat about me?? T.T
oh gosh... i really need my ciggies~~

All About Fags~~

i think many of u may have known,
yes~~ i smoke :P
n my mom has jus confirmed that with me a few hrs ago...
she asked if i smoke, i knew she knew d answer but i still had to lied,
she said i'm a big girl n i should noe wat is good for me, n said its enough that i've tried, i should stop...
i didn't answer...
i didn't noe how to...
i picked up d 'skill' 1 year ago, when i broke up with my ex (again~~)..
i fell into depression, n smoking was d only thing that stop me from killing myself...
but then, i didn't get hook on it, i soon stop smoking when i joined gym...
i got rid of alllll d bad energy i have by running countless hours on d treadmill..
n recently... i started again, n sad to admit... its getting heavier...
yes.. i broke up with my ex again (the same one) :P
but i don really think its all because of it..
many things had happen... n i jus got emo~~
i smoke when i'm alone, n i smoke even more when i'm emo...
how do i stop??
keep me happy ofcoz!! hahaha...
i may sound like a brat..
but trust me, i'm trying my best already to be optimistic..
but ppl tend to take advantage of me!!!
$#%$#&^%*$*
i don think i'll stop smoking soon, n i promise i'll try my best to keep it under control...
cross ur fingers that everything will be fine so i can stop smoking soon
:)

Singlehood~~

wondering how's my life post-break up??
hehe.. well, i've been busy n having LOADS of fun..
busy catching up with friends, busy clubbing, busy hanging out, busy yum-cha...
basically busy doing things i've missed out when i had a partner :P
i've watched at leastttt 7 movies in d past month with my faithful 'ji mui' (joe).. hehe
i've regained my image as a clubber :P
i've been to malacca's 8TV Summer Live Concert where i had a BLASTTTT...
i've been roaming around Klang Valley to satisfy my tastebuds..
i've been making a lot of new friends!!
haih~~ who said being single sucks??
i had more fun being single than having a mate.. haha
ofcoz there's the occasion where i felt lonely, due to all d extra time i have now, no need to waste time with him :P
ofcoz there's the rare occasion i miss him so dearly coz we had so much together for so long...
anyways... i believe i can go through all this.. i have my darling friends with me, helping me~~
i've never hated him nor regretting loving him...
i can never bring myself to hate a person, it's much easier to jus rmb the sweet parts ^^
we've made a deal not to contact each other for at least 6months because we wanted a clean cut...
i wonder wat will hpn then?
will we feel awkward bumping into each other in a shopping mall?? hehe...
i still can't stop talking n thinking about him, his been popping in my mind every chance he gets..
i guess he will always be a part of me, but i seriously need to get rid of this bad habit...
i'm definately enjoying life as a single, but i'll never be afraid to fall in love again~~
still hopeful, anticipating, and anxious~~

Guys Who Dance!!!

don't ask me y, but i have always, Always been attracted to guys that can dance!!!
they jus send a strong 'magnetic wave' that manage to attract me!!
mayb its also that 'bad boy' image these guys always have, its a package.. hehe
guys that can move their body, most of the time have that bad boy look as well...
i went malacca y'day for the 8tv Summer Live Show,
n boy oh boy~~ i fell in LOVE with Show Luo Zhi Xiang!!!!!
that baby can move!!!!!!!!!
i read Cleo today and quote from it "relationship for people who are in 18-22 should be fun and not serious". it made me thought, yeah~~ i should have fun for awhile, and it works well for me coz i'm definately not ready for anything serious~ :P i guess this will make me feel less guilty for 'hanging out' with different guys.. hehe anyways.. nothing serious dong~~ fun fun fun!!!!

重要~~

对你来说我或许很重要,可是请原谅我察觉不到.
我明白你的表达能力很差,可是也请你明白我的需要.
不是我没有给你机会,而是你没有好好珍惜.
机会给了太多,变得没意思了.
机会给了太多,变得不重要了~
谢谢你让这一切发生,好让我彻底地死心.
不再抱着任何希望,努力地往前走.
我会好好地,我会很努力地抛开一切往前走.
偶尔回想起,我回记得我们曾经拥有的美好回忆.
我相信你是爱我的,可是你的爱让我的心好疼.
就让我们一起努力的学习放手,让彼此都有快乐的机会~
我对你的爱永远都不会变,
可是请原谅我没有继续爱你的勇气.

Introduction

yuuhuu~~ this would be my 4th blog, don't ask me what happened to the rest, cause i don't even remember the blog addresses.. hehehe.. i stopped blogging for awhile because i thought i poured too much and got too dependent on it. its quite dangerous how a person can let out so much on something so... insecured... different people may interpret differently on what you say, and something that should be private would just be another topic in school so fast... so why have i decided to open my 4th blog?? hahaha... well, for the same reason i stopped in the past, i needed a place to express myself ^^ but i'll be careful this time not to say too much, and would password-protect it if i think its too much..

which so much happening in my life right now, i would be updating this regularly~~ stay tuned!!