Stress

Now I understand...

Now I can understand why the adults always seem so stress and tense, and even why some of them are so stressed up till they start dropping hairs.

Now I understand why my brother first started working, he would always charge his credit card till over limit.

Now I understand why my sister can lose so much weight after started working...

I'm also stressed up...

Stress of my work, my performances and most of all, my financial...

I know I'm suppose to spend within my means, but the weirdest part is, I have never felt so 'strapped' even when I was working for SK-II, it is only now that I seem to realise, the hardest part of being a grown-up is to deal with our own finances. and i only have limited commitments; i wonder how my parents did it, raising 5 children... i truly respect them now.

my salary is really peanut crunches!!! even though i love the people here, i love my job, i love the fact my office is only 5mins away from my house, but i'm really sorry because the pay is too little. i'm having a difficult time to survive!!

i know probably its my fault i have not enough to use, with all the Kim Gary's while my colleagues are going to food court. not to mention, my monthly facials and pedicure is not saving my bank account as well. but i truly believe, after working so hard for a month, we really need to pamper ourselves as a reward. we deserve it! furthermore, life is harsh on girls, if we don take care of ourselves, we would grow old faster and till then it will be too late and even more expensive to save ourselves. so i think, beautifying ourselves is a necessity, not lavish spending.

everytime i calculate my expenses, i feel like crying and throwing tantrum. i feel like shouting i jus want to go back to school and live a carefree life. i am now really afraid of having big dreams because it is not THATT easy!!!

i'm not sure if i can buy my own house in another 2 yrs. i'm really sorry for always teasing my brother for not saving. i'm really sorry for pressuring people around me to earn more money, save and live their dreams... i really know now its not that easy.

sometimes when i'm too stressed up, i feel like giving up. then again, who will take care of me? who will feed me? who will give me a house to stay, pay my bills and take care of me when i grow old? it will be too irresponsible if i keep relying on my parents, its only fait that it is my turn to take care of them now. i cannot rely on my boyfriend because it will be too unfair and harsh on him. how can i throw all the burden of life and growing up to him, when he is also struggling with his own transition into adulthood?

i always 'psycho' myself that this is only a phase, i will get use to it.

haih~~ building a new thrifty habit is not easy. i took my mom's advice and am now tracking my expenses, but sometimes i even feel bad jus by writing them down :P

when we do not have enough money, we can only go and find more money. a new job perhaps? or should i change line into sales?

i'm not sure what to do now. for the time being, i can only make the best out of the worst - control my spending!

OMG... first month of working and i'm on the verge of surrendering. for now, i really hate growing up!!!!