Disappointed

its been 2 months since i've graduated and i'm still unemployed.
i've been searching, i've attended interviews, and i actually got 2 offers,
but i've rejected them, because i don think its the path i wanna go...

i actually gained from each interviews,
i would realise how shallow i am, how naive i am, and how unprepared i am for the real world,
each interview would teach me a bit more about myself, so i would need to work on my flaws and prepare more for the next one...
each interview that rejects me makes me feel like a failure..
i would wonder why have i failed,
i would wonder what my competitors have that i don't?
i begin to question myself, because i really cannot accept this happening...

i never expected it to be so difficult,
i never expected it to be so hard,
i never expected to fail...

i'm lost right now,
i am really lost,
i do not know what is waiting for me in front,
and i don't even think i have the courage to walk further front,
i know some people say i'm over reacting,
and yes may be i am,
but to tell you the truth,
i am really afraid...

i really hope i will wake up from this nightmare as soon as possible,
i'll still keep on trying,
but my spirits are definately weakening...

Life...

I Really Don't Know

i used to be so sure of what i want, and then i would do all i can to achieve it...
i used to be so sure of the 'path' i wanted to walk on, and i would dedicate all my energy on it...
but then again... i was young...
as we grow older, wiser and gain much experiences, our priority changes, views on life also changes, and hence, the things we want also changes.

i really do not know what i want right now,
i have never been so uncertain, i am feeling a bit scare...
i have never been so lost, i don't really feel like going on the journey...
i'm so lost, i don't know what to do now..
all i do now, is play play play, have fun and play...
all i want to do is that too,
please do not burden me with heavy questions nor question my actions..
i do not know and i don't want to know..
i just feel like flying in the clouds with no worries...
i just want to 'drift away'...
away from all the problems and worries in life,

i'm not being irresponsible, i just don't really want to think...
i'm afraid i can't get what i want,
i'm afraid things do not go my way,
i'm afraid i would cry,
i'm afraid of growing up...

i feel like puking when some one asks me what i wan,
i don't know how to answer it,
and i don't want to answer it..

i really don't know....

Thank You

first, i would like to thank Mr. OJ SIM for making it ALL happen ^^ (PS: you know what i mean right??)

next, i would like to thank everybody that have taken care of me during poppy... i'm really sorry for causing all the trouble and i didn't mean it!!! i swear!!! my first time sooooo serious~~ i wasn't even like that during PALL MALL event, nor at sanctuary.. haih~~ my clubber image ruin again~~

thanks to my kai jie for 'nagging' and taking care of my belongings,
thanks to kar wai for not leaving me alone,
thanks to clive kor kor for being my pillar of strength :P,
thanks to sook huay for taking care of me~~ even in the car,
thanks to alex,
thanks to james and huay shan for sending me home,
thanks to irene and chris and everybody else i forgot to mention...
was quite TIPSY so i couldn't remember much, besides i vomited on my LV *sobsssss* lesson learn - never bring LV to clubs.

LOVE ALLLLLLLL OF YOU, Wish ya all HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRRR... meet at poh yuet's hse to gamble loooo~~ ^^

Updates...

so.. what have i done ever since i officially graduated??

besides clubbing at least once a week (btw, i didn't go this week yet!! hurray!!), i worked for james and alex at PC Fair, this would be my first and last PC Fair!! so tiring~~
i went for Massive Rave and it was AWESOME!!!!!
i straighten my hair back!! curl was too 'old' for me :P waste money~~
i went for pre-x'mas exchange in mun yee's hse and got a bag,
celebrated x'mas with my dear friends where i had to fake being sleepy just to go home earlier,
yum cha with my first boyfriend n raelene ofcoz, and went to movie twice with kar wai!! Bedtime stories is really sweet!!!

i've been busy looking for jobs, but to no avail, my dream one has not called me *sobs*

i've made some new friends (thanks to jennifer) and... things got abit complicated.. hahaha.. jen's advice for me is to ignore him~~

someone dear to me once said i'm too naive because i truly believe everybody in this world is good. if i'm good to someone, s/he should be good in return right? well, a reality check reveals that there are liars, actors, and people who are just plain evil... hahaha.. luckily i still have friends who truly care for me, and they are always there to help me spot the fakers ^^

love is last on my list right now, as i have told raelene.. 'men in my life comes and go.. not worth mentioning' :P

my dream job.. u better call me!!!!!!!! i don wanna work for other people la... i only wan YOU YOU YOU!!!!!

Fun Fun Fun

its been awhile since i've update my blog, so wat has hpn??

first, i've finished my Final Finals!!! wat a relieve!! hope my results will come out okay :P
secondly, i had like 5 cakes for this year's b'day... thanks to alll my wonderful friends ^^
i also went to casino for d first time!! n realised, i don have any luck in gambling :(
third, it was d pall mall event!!
i have almost 90 friends there, n i think we all had a blast!! d only hiccup was it ended pretty early (1.30am), if it ended later, i'm sure i'll have a few friends drunk... hehe

haih~~ so wat's next??
results will be out on 15 Dec,
there's another event on 17 Dec,
our gang is having a x'mas gift exchange on 21 Dec,
but i think, i'll start looking for a real job..
enough playing already, time to get serious!!! ^^

Love

i received an email from my friend, its about love..
how to love, and how we always seem to take people around us for granted..
many of us, seem to lose it after being together for a long time, we seem to forget the passion that once brought us together, we seem to forget the things we loved each other so much for...
many of us, seem to greedier, wanting more and more until the other party cannot give anymore, this is why, most relationship fail after so long, because we forget, because we became greedier, because we became selfish...

爱的感觉，总是在一开始觉得很甜蜜， 总觉得多一个人陪、多一个人帮你分担， 你终於不再孤单了，至少有一个人想著你、恋著你， 不论做什么事情， 只要能一起，就是好的， 但是慢慢的，随著彼此的认识愈深， 你开始发现了对方的缺点， 於是问题一个接著一个发生， 你开始烦、累，甚至想要逃避, 很多人以为是因为感情淡了， 所以人才会变得懒惰。 错！ 其实是人先被惰性征服， 所以感情才会变淡的。

当你爱一个人的时候，爱到八分绝对刚刚好。 所有的期待和希望都只有七八分；剩下两三分用来爱自己。 如果你还继续爱得更多，很可能会给对方沉重的压力，让彼此喘不过气来， 完全丧失了爱情的乐趣。

如果你也正在为爱迷惘，或许下面这段话可以给你一些启示： 爱一个人，要了解，也要开解； 要道歉，也要道谢； 要认错，也要改错； 要体贴，也要体谅； 是接受，而不是忍受； 是宽容，而不是纵容； 是支持，而不是支配； 是慰问，而不是质问； 是倾诉，而不是控诉； 是难忘，而不是遗忘； 是彼此交流，而不是凡事交代； 是为对方默默祈求， 而不是向对方诸多要求； 可以浪漫，但不要浪费； 可以随时牵手，但不要随便分手。

women are monkeys because men are dogs

my guy friend who was recently dumped by his girlfriend for another guy came up with an interesting theory - women are monkeys..

y??
have you seen how monkeys climb trees?
they would use one hand to hold on to a branch while the other hand would reach out for a higher one, they would not let go of the lower branch until they are sure they can hold firmly to the higher one. ^^

my counter theory??
this is because men are dogs...
men are like dogs, they would f**k any bitches they find outside, even though they have a loyal companion waiting for them at home, this is why the streets are filled with stray dogs..

the guy never treated the girl well, at his lowest point of life, the girl was practically working to support him and to pay off his debts, her reward? the guy found another girl outside... after all the cold and hot wars, the guy finally realised his mistake, and begin to appreaciate the girl...
it would be a fairy tale if the guy thought they would live happily after..

the girl is hurt, no matter how the guy apologise, no matter how the girl say she'll forgive you, a part of her is hurt, a part of her feels betrayed, a part of her feel insecure, the love they once shared is not so perfect anymore, how can a fairytale be imperfect??

many times, girls become 'bad' and 'naughty' because they were once hurt, because the men they loved seems to prefer these kind of girls more, since they are spending more time with them, and guys would lie and cheat their girlfriends just to spend more time with these naughty girls. so since guys like them so much, then we would just be 'them'.
at least, this is what happened for my case ^^
no worries, i still know my limits :)

guys, please do not think only you can play games, we girls can definitely win you in this kind of game..
do not be so immature and expect to forgiven by saying a simply 'sorry', we girls could do the same thing, then you can tell me if you can forgive me..

if you do not want to be hurt, please do not hurt other people, i'm a strong believer of the proverb 'Do unto others as you would be undo'. and i do believe in KARMA!!!

i don't know why, men around me tend to be immature jerks, except the fewwwwww (to any guys that read this post :P) haihzzz... where oh where is my prince charming?? ^^

*我很期待我最后一份生日礼物,它不会是名贵的东西,可是多多钱也买不到.*